Let us create a 3d Digital eBook for you! DigyCat.com
|
||
|
||
|
Marriage & Wedding Information - Marriage-Wedding | Let us create a 3d Digital eBook for you! DigyCat.com |
|
|
|
Marriage Counseling: How to Reduce Hurt Feelings When You and Your Spouse Disagree
One of the biggest on-going problems for couples is how to reduce the hurt feelings that can result from arguments and disagreements. The fall-out from a no-holds barred "kill your opponent" verbal altercation can last for decades. I have worked with numerous couples in marriage counseling who have struggled with forgiving each other for damaging words they have said during a fight. Many times, the fallout from an argument or shouting match is left to accumulate like toxic dust on the relationship, with each ensuing episode adding another layer. Eventually, the residue interferes with every component of the marriage as resentment and unaddressed issues build up. The words you say and the tone of voice you use during an argument are important. So is the way you deliver your message (screaming and hollering, for example) and any non-verbal gestures you use (shaking your finger in your partner's face). If you make fun of your spouse and show disrespect for him, you are hurting the chances for real communication between you. The same is true if you make threatening gestures and try to intimidate your spouse with your anger. Honest, healthy communication requires a feeling of safety from attack. A spouse who is afraid her partner will make fun of her ideas or feelings, either at the time or later during an argument, isn't going to share what she is really thinking or feeling. So how can you and your spouse create an atmosphere of safety and protection so that you can each express your real feelings and thoughts? And how can you disagree so that you don't permanently damage your marriage? You can take action and ask your spouse if the two of you can work together to develop a list of fair fighting rules that you both agree to abide by. Here are some guidelines often used in marriage counseling sessions for you to consider: 1. Even when you're in the white heat of anger, think about the possible damage that you could do if you let your anger out unrestrained. The challenge is for each of you to express yourself without damaging the fabric of your relationship. The fabric of the relationship has to be protected. There's no place in a healthy marriage for a partner who wants to win an argument at all costs, no matter what he or she has to say or do to "win." The same goes for a partner who wants to "win" by hurting the spouse as much as possible. 2. Emphasize showing respect for each other, even if you can't figure out how your spouse could possibly feel the way he or she does. You don't have to understand it and you don't have to agree-you just have to respect your spouse's right to have differing ideas and opinions. 3. Ban name-calling, cursing, belittling, sarcasm, mockery, screaming, and pushing, slapping, or other physical or emotional abuse. These actions will only cause division and hard feelings between you and will harm your relationship. They will not help you to find constructive ways to settle your differences. 4. Avoid using words such as "always" and "never," such as "You're always late. You're never on time for anything. I'm sick and tired of always waiting for you." The words "always" and "never" are examples of over-generalizing, and they close communication doors instead of opening them. They also divert the discussion from the real issues and turn the focus onto whether or not the other person can come up with an example of a time when he or she wasn't late but the partner was. 5. Keep the discussion limited to the issue at hand. Many relationships have an informal "historian" who can recount every mistake the other spouse has ever made. When this happens, the discussion is diverted from the present issue to an argument about what did or didn't happen in the past, which greatly reduces the odds that the present disagreement will be resolved. Stick with current events instead of revisiting past history that can't be changed. 6. Listen to each other and let each person speak his or her mind. This can be difficult to do when you're frustrated, impatient, and agitated. But until you have heard each other out, you don't have all the information you need to try to reach a respectful compromise. 7. Take a break from the discussion when it gets too emotional or "heavy." Go to the bathroom, step outside on the deck, or do some deep breathing exercises to help relieve the stress. Let yourself cool down and give yourself a chance to regroup before continuing the discussion. 8. Apologize immediately when you slip and say something that might hurt your spouse's feelings. Say, "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to come out sounding like that. Please forgive me. Let me try again." 9. Look for a "win-win" compromise resolution. Some issues are more important to one spouse than the other, and it builds up good will to go with your partner's views when it doesn't really matter as much to you. If your spouse wants you to record the checks you write in a certain way so that it'll be easier for him or her to handle the bill-paying, it probably makes sense to go along with it, even if it's not the way you'd do it. That will build up good will so that the next time you have a differing opinion about something that's really important to you, you'll have a better chance of acquiring support from your spouse. 10. If the subject is too emotional for you and your spouse to resolve between you, then consider enlisting the help of a professional counselor to serve as mediator. It may only take two to three sessions to clear the air, generate some new options, and make a decision. And the best part is that by using a counselor to help you work out an acceptable compromise, you avoid the long-term strain and emotional drain that could damage your marriage for years. Until you and your spouse can discuss emotional issues and have differing opinions without being disrespectful to each other, it will be impossible to tackle the really crucial issues in your marriage with any lasting success. Without mutual respect and the assurance that you won't be ridiculed, you will both be reluctant to express your true feelings and show vulnerability. Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of the book Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get weekly ideas and support for improving your marriage.
MORE RESOURCES: Weddings - Google News Dream wedding reality - Trinidad & Tobago Express
Terminally Ill Fenton Teen Wedding Wish (Video) - Post Chronicle
Britney Spears Tours Maui Wedding Chapel - MyFox Houston
Phuket targets the wedding market - eTurboNews
Compensating clergy for officiating at wedding - Newsday (subscription)
Soundarya Rajnikanth's wedding in pomp and show - eWorld Post (blog)
Hurricane Earl may affect local weddings - Milford Daily News
Martin fans hear Weddings Bells - The Press Association
Vacations, weddings in doubt as storm nears - Boston Globe
Same-sex wedding plans up in the air - msnbc.com
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
10 Valentines Day Tips for Spouses Who Want to Improve Their Marriage The best and most valuable gifts are often not material ones. While many spouses focus on Valentine's Day gifts such as jewelry or candy, spouses who are willing to invest the time and energy can give one of the most precious gifts possible-an improved, satisfying marriage. Tips for Choosing the Right Wedding The job of choosing the right wedding cake style is the responsibility of both the future bride and groom. The style of cake you'll choose will largely depend on the wedding theme and the size of the wedding. Business Partners & Marital Partners Will The Marriage Survive - Part II In the last article, we concluded by saying that keeping your business and personal relationships separate is very important to the survival of both your business and your marriage. In this article we will talk about how to achieve this goal. Throwing a Las Vegas Garden Wedding You may not think of Las Vegas as an area known for its gardens but you'd be wrong. There are more gardens in and around Las Vegas than you'd think possible given the desert environment, the heat and the crowds of tourists that never stop coming. Writing Wedding Vows - Ideas That Will Help You Express What You Truly Feel More and more, couples are choosing to write their own wedding vows. Although many people believe that this is the best way to truly express their personal beliefs and feelings, often they are unsure about how to begin and what to include. Married 4 Good Thinking Although I do believe in "till death do us part", the M4G concept is not so much about permanency as it is about making great things come out of your marriage.I have a challenge for you: write 10 good things that you'd like to see come from your marriage relationship. Meaningful Wedding Gift Ideas A wedding is one of the most special days planned in a life. Everything must be perfect, thought of and taken care of so that the wedding day turns out as beautiful as a dream. Nevada Wedding Laws While you may be headed to Las Vegas for a quickie wedding or a prolonged celebration, take time to find out what the law requires before you buy that plane ticket. Each state's laws differ, and many couples get married in Las Vegas because the law allows them to marry quickly. How To Tell An Extraordinary Wedding Disc Jockey From Someone Who Could Ruin Your Reception You have your band (around your finger), now it's time to find your Wedding disc jockey. You search the internet for "Wedding disc jockey" and come up with a list of potential wedding disc jockey choices. Sending Out Your Wedding Invitations It really doesn't matter if you are planning to have a large or a small wedding; you still have to send out invitations. For larger wedding parties, you should buy your invitations at bulk party stores, or wedding warehouses in order to get the best buy for your money. Marriage Counseling Advice: Give Your Spouse Space to Breathe and Grow When you're married, the boundaries between yourself and your spouse aren't always clear. For some people, marriage brings the expectation of spending as much time as possible with a spouse and doing most things together. How to Nurture Intimacy When Youre in a Long-Distance Marriage The biggest problem long-distance spouses often face is how to keep emotional intimacy alive when they are separated. If you are in a long-distance marriage, you are probably already using email and the telephone as much as possible to stay in touch. Planning a Maui Wedding Just as there are a variety of wedding packages available, Maui wedding planning is also packed with many possibilities. So many people come here to get married that the choices of wedding planners to take care of all the arrangements are as diverse as the choices of wedding. How to Have a Sizzler of a Honeymoon! Article No. 8 To paraphrase a song, "Are you doing it more, but enjoying it less?"An ongoing debate has it, that women, according to men, are choosing to be harder and harder to please; complaining of more headaches than ever before; and taking in their stride any tokens of affection offered by men. Oh, sure, they will add, a woman might play the part of a responsive partner before she gets the wedding ring, but once the legal contract is in her hot little hand, it's, "Stop pestering me. Wedding Flowers - What Every Bride Should Know before Her Big Day Whether your wedding will be coming up roses, daffodils, or something else, choosing the wrong flowers for that blissful day can create a scene you'll want to soon forget. But armed with a few basics about flowers, the arrangements you choose will land you a bevy of compliments and queries. Moissanite Engagement Rings - Find The Perfect Glam You're Looking For Wish to make that one day in your life really special? Let moissanite engagement rings work their charm. Affirm your commitment through the beauty of moissanite engagement rings. Moissanite Bridal Rings -True Choice Of The Young Heart What best way can a bride think of rising to the very special occasion in her life, if that occasion does not have the glitter of jewelry in it! Brides today need not despair and give up hope if diamonds are outside their reach. Welcome to the world of moissanite bridal rings! Wondering what the price of moissanite bridal rings could be? Smile. Cheap Las Vegas Weddings Imagine the cheapest wedding you'd like. You have to pay the $55. Understanding Celtic Wedding Rings Thousands of years ago, the Celts, a group of independent tribes spread throughout much of current day Europe, were sophisticated artisans, carving knot work patterns that have inspired modern day jewelers to create wedding rings. These motifs have meaning. Why Hire A Wedding Designer? As couples begin thinking about their wedding, they are often confused over how much to spend, where to obtain specialized services, and how to choose vendors. These worries often mount as quickly as the cost of the wedding.
|
|
BigDayOut Domain Is For Sale - $3,500 For Enquiries eMail Us © www.BigDayOut.biz 2010
|
|
